The adorable banshee: woman!

"Only a yard in girth, but greater than a furlong in length, my dear."

“Only a yard in girth, my dear, but greater than a furlong in length.”

Don’t leap ahead of yourself old fruit, this section will be filled in shortly.

It takes hundreds of years to know the wiles of women, you know. Now go murder a pint or two while my secretary types this up. A real pint of course, not a South Australia pint. Cheerio!

A lovely lady. A bottle of wine. Enchanting language. And this bench. A chap can't lose!

A lovely lady. A bottle of wine. Enchanting language. And this bench.     A chap can’t lose!

 

Righto old chap, I’m back. Those deuced Nicaraguans never could make a prison that could hold a Gentleman Scoundrel. To top it off, I won fifty quid off the head guard, before tying him up with his own belt. I’m sure he’s still fuming, what with me having enjoyed his private yacht and his daughter, in that order, during my escape.

Obviously a GS never explains himself, but I knew you’d be goggle-eyed at my exploits.

Righty oh then, women!

Now what a chap like yourself must understand is, women never grow up. Every woman -regardless her actual age -has the mental age of three. Forget all that bilge about equality: what she really wants is her father, all big and strong, to embrace her and make the world safe for her. And that’s where you come in.

Set yourself apart, old boy.

Most males are stunted. They submit to authority, the poor dears. They become good little boys in order not to get in trouble. But what the deuce is trouble? What’s the worst that can happen, old fruit?

Zigactly. Punishment? Tchaw! Little girls fear it. Not we great bearded, hairy men. Laugh in the face of danger, as befits a scoundrel.

Now, since you are a fearless lout who makes up his own rules, you communicate to women that you are the leader. No one pushes you around (unlike all those scared little boys, clinging to their mothers’ aprons). You mock those in authority, belittle and demean them, because you are above them. You are adventurous, you dare live a big life, you’ve been around the world -they’ve barely even left the classroom. They’re powerless against you, man of the world that you are.

You submit to no authority figure, you follow no rules – you are the authority figure. You are the one in charge.

You are, quite simply, the father figure. And a rogue. And you’re going to take her on a daring adventure, you’re going to do all the things that are forbidden, and that is her secret desire.

All her life she’s been cossetted, and secretly her little heart’s been yearning for danger, adventure, thrills, intrigue, scandal, notoriety.

How lucky she is that you’ve arrived!

Read on, you bounder, to see how to scoop her up.

We’ll begin with a textbook seduction; this one comes from Gustave Flaubert’s Madame Bovary.

Madame Bovary, dreaming of being naked and breathless

Madame Bovary, fantasizing about being naked and breathless

I’ll bung the article in here shortly; meanwhile, get along to the rest of the site and gorge yourself on the pristine content.

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